The Not So West Journey
by Staindpenguins
Summary: What happens when the group decides against going west? What if Hakkai's pregnant...What if Gojyo is a hermaphrodite? And The killer Mangroves are on the loose.


Saiyuki: The-Not-So-West-Journeyp  
  
By: Yami and Koumep  
  
Rated: R... possibly N-17p  
  
Chapter 1: Direction Dilemap  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters mentioned from any anime or show in this story... Though  
  
someday we plan to steal them.p  
  
A/N from Koume: Just to fore warn you...This fic is very perverted. So if you have no sense of perversion..It would probably be best to find a better story.p  
  
Sanzo pointed towards the setting sun,"We go west!" he declared.p  
  
The group grumbled...p  
  
"What?" He demandedp  
  
"Well" Hakkai scratched his head...p  
  
"Cause we're sick of doing every thing your way." Gojyo finished.p  
  
"Yeah! Fuck this shit! I'm going east!!" Goku finished and took a step in the direction to the right.p  
  
Sanzo hit Goku over ther head with his fan.p  
  
"Ouch! You stupid priest! What did you do that for?" Goku whined.p  
  
"First, you idiot, you are heading north, and second if you go east you will go to where we just came from!"p  
  
Goku slumped over like an idiot...."Well why do we ALWAYS have to go west?" he protested.p  
  
"Well west is the only way that goes with my line." Sanzo stood at attention, "We go east!......see sounds gay."p  
  
"....You do have a point there Sanzo." Hakkai added.p  
  
Hakkai leaned on Sanzo's shoulder and smiled in a good natured manner, "Why don't we give them a rest? I'll lead for now.p  
  
-6 Hours Later-p  
  
"Hey! Goku took a piss on that rock! We've been here before!" Gojyo exclaimed pointing at the penis shaped rock (Yami: *snicker* Now how'd that get there?) p  
  
"Hakkai? Are you sure you're reading that compass right?" Sanzo muttered as he watched Goku begining to lick another penis shaped rock.p  
  
"Yes, the white arrow is pointing the way!" Hakkai repliedp  
  
"Hakkai, you follow the RED arrow, not the white one." Gojyo explained.p  
  
"....Oh..." p  
  
-Mass sweatdrop-p  
  
Sanzo raised his fan...and hit Gojyo and Goku over the head.p  
  
"Ow! What'd you do that for." they whined.p  
  
"Well I can't hit Hakkai! If I do that he won't drive the jeep!"p  
  
They all clambored into the jeep.p  
  
"I'm a woman." Gojyo commented.p  
  
The jeep screached to a hault, sending Goku flying over Sanzo's head and crashing into a tree. A branch cut his thigh, making Goku bleed, but he didn't notice at first. When he saw it, he started a girlie scream.p  
  
"I'M ON MY PERIOD!" he screamedp  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?" Gojyo exclaimed.p  
  
"Well," Sanzo struck up a cigarrete."Since everyone is showing their feminine sides, .... I'm a man whore."p  
  
"I'm pregnant." Hakkai added smiling.p  
  
"Who's the daddy?" Goku asked, "I am on my period, Gojyo's a woman, so the daddy has to be..." Everyone turned to Sanzo.p  
  
"What?" Sanzo glared at them all.p  
  
"Oh honey! Smoking is bad for the baby!!!" Hakkai said, taking the cigarrete from Sanzo, and putting it out. p  
  
"Yes...honey." he hissed forcing a smile as he rubbed Hakkai's belly. p  
  
Hakkai smiled innocently and leaned on Sanzo's shoulder, going to sleep, as Sanzo wished for Hakkai's death.p  
  
"HOLY SHIT!!! WHO'S...."p  
  
"Gojyo! SSH! He's asleep." Sanzo hissed.p  
  
"But when he went to sleep, his foot went down on the gas pedal, and now he's flooring it." Gojyo said with forced calmness.p  
  
"Hm?" Sanzo said."OH HOLY SHIT" he yelled as he shoved Hakkai into the back seat and took the wheel.p  
  
"Turn left!"Gojyo screamedp  
  
Sanzo turned right and crashed into a tree.p "Ok, I think we have a problem with going right." Gojyo looked down at his pants for any lasting damage,  
  
"Hey I am at least half a guy after all!"p  
  
"Oh shit we ran over Goku."p  
  
"Does anyone care?"p  
  
"Nope"p  
  
"Alright then! Onward!"....p  
  
*PrOoOt*p  
  
"What the hell?!"p  
  
"We have a leak... in one of the tires."p  
  
"Sounded more like a fart."p  
  
"Shutup Gojyo."p  
  
They both got out and checked the tires.p  
  
"Goku you sick little BASTARD MONKEY! You popped the tired with your penis!" Gojyo exclaimed, kicking Goku.p  
  
"But..... it broke!" Goku bawledp  
  
"I know the tire broke!"p  
  
"No! My penis broke! Its stuck in the tire!!!" Goku screamed.p  
  
"You big baby." Gojyo got out the ductape, and taped Goku's penis back together.p  
  
"What's going on?" Hakkai asked, waking up. As he sat up he hit his head on the tree, and passed out again.p  
  
"HOLY SHIT! ITS A WILD MANGROVE!" Gojyo screamed, pointing a large bad tempered shrubbary that was catching up to them at an alarming rate.p  
  
"Where?!" Hakkai sat up, hit his head on the same tree, and passed out again.p  
  
Sanzo grabbed the wheel, and a copy of 'The Joys of Farming'.p  
  
"Mangroves," Sanzo read as he swerved all over the place."Are a tre that grows in a swamp, with lots of roots. But if a basketball player puts his pink panties on it, it grows into a wild carnivorous Killer Mangrove. OH SHIT!"p  
  
"Oh shit watch the road, you dumbass!" Gojyo screeched in a way that would make a Norweigan fisherman proud, where Goku cried more that a French Soccer player. (Random person: I like soccer players just not french ones....Yami: Its funny cause its impossible to cry more...)p  
  
"HOLY! KILLER NINJA MANGROVES!"p  
  
They drove away... very very fast.p  
  
**************************p  
  
"We're safe.."p  
  
"No we're not!"p  
  
"Huh?"p  
  
"We left Hakkai!"p  
  
**************************p  
  
Killer Mangrove Ninja aka KMN "DIE!"p  
  
Hakkai "zzzZzzzZz" *snore*p  
  
KMN "Hmm..."p  
  
More mangroves approached.p  
  
**************************p  
  
"Kill the mangrove!" Gojyo got out the weed killer and sprayed the mangrove in the eyes. (Yami: Yes it has eyes.)p  
  
Goku jumped on the head of another, and unleashed a gastly bomb. "Mwuahahhahaha! I fart in your general direction!"p  
  
Sanzo stood and stared dumbfounded at the morons he had to work with. Then he picked up a bucket of salt water that had fallen out of the sky. He doused the mangroves with it and they wilted and fell over dead.p  
  
"AHHH!"Goku screamed,"He fell on my penis!"p  
  
Gojyo fell over with laughter, "You stupid dumbfuck, I think you could be the Einstein of the dumbfucks!!" Gojyo managed to finally say.p  
  
"You bastard!" Goku yelled "Thats it...Sanzo! Get this tree off of me I'm going to kick his ass!"p  
  
Sanzo shook his head and went to wake up Hakkai, but he was no where to be seen.p  
  
"Where's Hakkai?" Sanzo said, interrupting Gojyo and Goku's mud wrestling.p  
  
"He's over there." Gojyo panted pinning Goku's arm to the ground. "By that tree!"p  
  
"No he's not." Sanzo interrupted again.p  
  
"Huh?" Gojyo said looking up again, getting socked in the face by Goku. (Koume: When I say socked I mean litterally.)  
  
Goku rolled on top of Gojyo and began shoving his sock into his mouth.p  
  
"STOP IT DAMN YOU!" Sanzo yelled hitting them both with the fan. (Koume: @.@  
  
Sanzo straightened his robes. "Now, one of the mangroves must have swallowed him, we are going to have to cut all of them open and try to find him."p  
  
Sanzo took out a knife, and walked over to the largest mangrove. He sliced it down the middle, and a great yellow pus bubble, enlarged then popped revealing the interior of the mangrove.p  
  
"What the hell?" Goku gasped in horror,"I thought it was just a shrub."p  
  
"Well you thought wrong." Gojyo said lighting a cigarrete.p  
  
"Goku, you can jump in this one." Sanzo called.p  
  
"Whaddya mean?" Goku asked wearily looking into the pus filled shrub.p  
  
"Think of it as going for a swim.."Sanzo kicked him in.p  
  
-3 Hours Later-p  
  
Goku and Gojyo emergered from the last magrove, tired, pissed off, and covered in pus.p  
  
"SANZO YOU PIECE OF FUCK!" Gojyo yelled when discovering his cigarretes had been soaked.p  
  
"Why didn't you help us?"p  
  
Sanzo looked sternly at them. "I would have gotten my robes all dirty!" He said in a girly voice, prancing around in a little circle.p  
  
"Oh you sadistic bastard." Goku glared.p  
  
Sanzo cocked his head to one side."I know"p  
  
Gojyo was had the urge to hit him, but shook it off, "Ok well where's Hakkai?"p  
  
"Um..." Sanzo was interuppted by a giant snore coming from the jeep.p  
  
"That bastard crawled back into the car while we were killing the killer mangorves!"(Koume: oh the redundancy) p  
  
Gojyo dropped his freshly lit cig. "I'll kill him!" Goku yelled charging at him. He was intercepted by Sanzo's foot meeting his head, and his head the ground.p  
  
~End Chapter~p  
  
Tell us what ya think. The good and the bad. If you didn't like it we don't give a fuck. Our writing takes a certain sense of humor to get. p  
  
Koume: I will try and get the second chapter up soon. See its complicated. Yami and I wrote most of this in a notebook, so now our routine goes like this. Go to school, write in note book, trade off, write in notebook, get notebook back, take home, type it up, write in not book, go to school, ...etc. See What I mean?p  
  
Yami: *Nods* 


End file.
